Baby Snakeskin and Control (Part 2)

All throughout Autumn I stood in my stubborn but sparkling stance of Silence. I was questioned by girls I admired and I'd graze their hands with a gentle touch and smile. Nobody teased me but I was mostly alone drawing adventures on the dark side of the Moon. I drew Prince in Outer Space floating by on a Golden Balloon. I'd get distracted by my drawings and the teacher who looked just like Julia Child sneered from the end of her ropeShe sent me to the shadowy corner as punishment but the joke was on her I thrived in a shadowy place. Or so I thought.  I levitated to the ceiling. It was lonely at the Top. 


Julia started sending me away for most of the day to a room filled with misfits and gentle giants. We learned about things like circles and squares but I was bored because I already knew a lot about shapes and how they shift. We celebrated the mediocre and ate stale cake. The Sun stung my eyes and there was no hiding allowed. I started biting my fingernails until a sharp pain erupted into blood and my fear would pour out. I dabbed it on the paper gently underneath a crayon rainbow finally feeling at Peace. Painting with blood over wild colors began to seem like speaking to me.  This language felt true unlike the "hello how do you do i am fine thank you please ma'am" all around this school and this town.  I'd found another spot to feel safe. I'd ignore the middle ground and go back to my Higher place.

Eventually the Special Program ended and I was expected to jump out of another weird bubble and show what I had learned with real people in the nightmare world.  A special trip to an ice cream shop named Friendly's was planned where I'd be forced to order my own cone to practice being a human girl. "Vanilla!", I screamed and was handed a beautifully lopsided creation.  Afterwards we sit like statues in a nearby park, the Massachusetts Autumn breeze kissing our cheeks with the subtlety of razor blades.   It was fun to communicate in a language that others understood. I asked for Vanilla and the cone in my fucking hand was the proof!  What if life could be so simple all of the time? I started to resent the Girl With Wide Eyes who had taken over while I chose to hide.  A plump and lovely squirrel was suddenly on the bench, paw upon my thigh. He stared in desperation and I did the same back. "I'm still here!" I told him because nobody else seemed to understand.  I gave him the end of my Vanilla Cone to gobble which he really seemed to appreciate. We gathered back together, us very special children forming a jagged little line. Marching in a hopeful rhythm, tiny feet bringing us back to the familiar after a day of the unknown.  Back to our corner of the Kindergarten. Looking forward to a warm seat and slow time. Back to the Blood and the Rainbows that I left behind. Back to feeling like a Unicorn and all the bright Sunshine. 

Later during my afternoon snack back home Louis B. Meyer said as my father he is disappointed in me for questioning my role.  "You're not my father you're a liar!" I spat a piece of apple in his face. I resisted as he pulled me down upon his lap but he sang a song so low so soft I fell into a nap. "Somewherrrrre Over the Rainbow". I dreamed that the sky was black and glittering with diamonds and fire. I found a golden suitcase filled with these sky diamonds but it had a broken handle and I was too weak to drag it alone.  I woke to his large meaty hand feeling through my soft t-shirt to my breast. "NO!" spoken clearly just like I practiced with the cone. He disappeared and I felt no fear because I'm still here, a living fire of a girl. The Girl With the Wide Eyes sighed and we both agreed there's no place like Home. 

Eyes of a Child.
 




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